The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
