what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
