i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need a burrito and a hug.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
