It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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