I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
