Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
