I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
