dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
