I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize