I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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