i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
