where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
