you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
