I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
