All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
