Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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