I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
