bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
