he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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