Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
