I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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