who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
