there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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