Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
