I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
