I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
