Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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