used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
