he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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