The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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