If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
