never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
