I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
