She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
