I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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