nut hugger
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
