This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
