we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
