Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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