What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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