just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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