No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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