So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
