So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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