dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
