I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
