What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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