I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
