I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
