He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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