I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That accounts for only three of the penises
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
