I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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