you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
