i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
