I hate your face
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He shit in the fireplace
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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