I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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