sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
