Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
