I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
