dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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