nutella sex= disaster
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize