God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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