I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
