Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
