I just made out with a guy for $7.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i out mim tonsoeep
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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