I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
