Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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