Dual....:-)
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
