Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
