It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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