Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize