turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize