I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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