You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
