I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
