I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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