You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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