I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
