..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
