you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
