So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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