p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
