idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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