I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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