smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
