i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
