no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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