you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
