I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize