Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
