you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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