I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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