it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
