carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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