I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
