Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
