I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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