so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
