i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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