Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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