The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
