She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize