If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
