did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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