if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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