So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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