I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
