There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
