so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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