It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So much rum. So many feels.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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