after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
