i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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