The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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