im about as happy as oj after his trial
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
