I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
