I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
