yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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